No Hanging Wires, Ever!

Week: 33
Fetus: passed 17 in. mark, a little over 4lbs.
Waist: 44.5 in.

Perhaps you remember my earlier dilemma, two wires that were crossing the floor of the room where we will be stashing the baby. That issue has been resolved in perhaps the awesomest way possible. Simply removing the wires, a phone line and a cable coax, was not really an option since we still wanted to have the Internet in our office and tv in our bedroom. The second option was to have phone and satellite people come in and install new outlets in more convenient spots in the apartment. That seemed like it would be a pain in the ass. Also expensive. The third choice, and by far the most likely, was the low tech method of getting longer wires and stapling them along the wall trim. It would be ugly but we could handle it ourselves.

I had resigned myself to taking on this stupid project until Bruce blew me away by instituting a fourth option that I had not even considered. While I was at work last week, Bruce installed a wireless Internet bajinger on the desktop in our office and set up a router in our living room, eliminating the need for the direct DSL feed over the phone line. Plus the router is set up conveniently out of sight behind our tv cabinet so the living room isn't being honked up by a bunch of wired.

And speaking of the tv situation, Bruce went ahead and bought me an early birthday/xmas/popping present, a nifty device called a Slingbox. For those who are as technologically lame as I am, the Slingbox is a doohickey that you hook up to your tv and it allows you to watch tv on a computer anywhere in your house. Anywhere in the world actually. It is super. Plus it allows Bruce to annoy the crap out of me by changing the channels on the tv I am watching at home while he is at the rink. So the Slingbox makes both of us happy. Isn't watching tv on a laptop kind of bogus you may ask? Well yes, yes it is. HOWEVER, it is not bogus if you have a wide screen flat screen monitor in your bedroom to which you can connect said laptop. That is the awesome. The monitor is a huge improvement over the 11 inch tv we had in there before. I couldn't even read the channel guide because the screen was too small. The tiny tv is not going to waste though, that has been moved closer to its source and is now resting comfortably in the baby's room where it will allow me to catch up on episodes of America's Next Top Model or Ugly Betty during late night feedings. How sweet is that?

woooooooooo!

That is all.

The Economics of Scales

This past Thursday I had another doctor visit scheduled. Last time, four weeks ago, I was warned about my weight again having gained eight pounds since my previous trip. This brought my grand total weight to 180, about a 25-30 lb. gain since this all started. I am not sure exactly since I may or may not have lied about my pre-pregnancy weight when I went in for the first visit. I thought they wanted my driver's license weight, so what? So this time, I was prepared for the worst. I was absolutely convinced that I was now pushing two bills. I must weight that much, I can barely walk up the stairs to my apartment with out having to stop halfway. Standing for too long makes me need a nap. I get tired from EATING for jeebus' sake. These are clear signs that I am a big fat fatty. So with eyes closed tight I stepped on the scale and waited for the bad news. "One eighty-one and a half!", the nurse said cheerily. WTF? Let me get this straight, in one for week period I put on eight pounds and in the next four weeks, I gained 1.5. Um, I haven't stopped eating ice cream or anything. In fact, I had a Boston Kreme donut from Dunks for second breakfast just that morning. That's what I said, second breakfast. By the time I get to work on the train I am hungry again so I eat. Again. I am also still procrastinating on my exercise and am in fact, working out at a much slower pace now since I can barely drag my chunky ass around the apartment. I think my doctor's practice might want to invest in some new scales because these are clearly not working correctly. Perhaps they should go back to using the ones we all got weighed on in gym class when the teacher would yell out your height and weight to be recorded for posterity and name calling. Just a thought.

Everything else about my visit was normal. The heart beat is good, my bump is exactly the right size what ever that is. I couldn't see the tape measure because she was holding it so the number was towards my crotchal area, a spot I have not been able to see in ages. Now I am on an every two weeks schedule so we will see how all that goes. I may need to invest in a scooter or something so I can get between work and the doctor without getting myself all sweaty.

Lookit My Big, Fat Gut

Week: 32
Fetus: nearly 17 in., just shy of 4 lbs.
Waist: I dunno, just look at the picture and guess.

Check out this sexy, sexy beotch. Notice something? NO STRETCHMARKS. Yeah. I am actually proud of that. It seems like some sort of accomplishment.

My belly button has also not popped out. It must be really deep or something. However, the weight of my belly is pulling it downwards so it sort of looks like my belly button is frowning. I have a sad tummy.

But it's really a happy tummy because the Red Sox are in the World Frickin' Series, baby!

The baby may actually hate Bruce. Every time he (the baby, not Bruce) is being all squirmy and kicky I'll be like, "Put your hand here" and the instant Bruce touches my stomach, the kid stops moving and does not restart until Bruce takes his hand away. I am hoping this skill extends after birth however. It would be great if the baby was all fussy and stuff and I just handed him to Bruce and he immediately stopped. Hah. I wish.

We now have the "travel system" stroller/car seat combo thanks to Bruce's sister. Well thanks to her and her husband's credit card I am sure. Now we just need to buy a new car in which to install the seat.

I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow. Hopefully I won't be told I've gained too much weight again. I don't think they really understand how badly the end of the baseball season can cause stress eating. After this visit I will be going every two weeks instead of four and I think after the next one I will have hit every OB in the practice so I can go back to seeing my real doctor.

Did I mention that the Sox are in the World Series?

My ninja costume arrived in the mail yesterday. It is an actual, real karate type ninja outfit. Not some cheap polyester knock-off. It doesn't really fit perfectly since it was not designed for an 8 months pregnant woman or any woman at all for that matter but that can be worked around. Hell, if i can make a bulletproof vest, I can use my velcro skills on a ninja suit.

We signed up for baby having classes at the hospital around the corner from our house and I sent in my pre-registration stuff to Northwestern Memorial so this is all starting to be very, very real. I like the idea of the pre-registration a ton. You can just waltz into the hospital and be put in a room immediately without waiting to fill out forms of provide insurance info. Very convenient. Since we are doing the classes at a different hospital I think I am still going to schedule some sort of tour at NMH. I need to know where I am supposed to be going or else I will end up in the drug treatment center or something equally useless. This hospital is approximately 10 blocks in area so that's not at all impossible for me to do.

Go Red Sox!

Elby Ear Update

Elby had his ear surgery yesterday and he seems to be doing fine with it. The first few hours back from the vet were extremely funny because the poor guy was still pretty sedated and would just sit and stare into space for long periods of time. Here of some pictures. The sockhead ones are from right after he came home and t he cone ones are from today. I am not sure how long the cone will last because Elby seems to think that it is some form of abuse. He can't really figure out how to maneuver around without whacking it on EVERYTHING. He managed to catch it while trying jump on the bed and ended up doing a face plant. Stupid Dog. As long as we are around to make sure he isn't pawing at his stitches, I think we will forget about it. Listening to him cry all last night was not fun.

Built-In Time Limit

Week: 31
Fetus: over 16 in, a little over 3 lbs.
Waist: I can't find my tape measure; I may have eaten it.

I am not longer able to participate in any activity that takes longer than 30-40 minutes. Any more than that and I have to stop what I am doing to go pee. I pee all the time. If I drink a beverage it is guaranteed that I will be in the bathroom within 15 minutes. I am probably keeping several toilet paper companies in the green right now. Kimberly-Clark, I am looking at you. I could try drinking less to keep myself out of the crapper so much but that's not really an option since I'm really thirsty all the time. I thought they said I wasn't diabetic. Jeebus.

All this peeing may be related to my carrying the baby really low. Instead of moving up into my abdomen during the second trimester, the kid has stayed comfortably rested on my pelvis the whole time. In essence he has been doing headstands on my bladder for the past seven months. One good sneezing fit and I am close to peeing my pants. I thought I wasn't supposed to need Depends until after I pushed the kid out and ruined my cooter muscles. Yes, I said it. Cooter muscles.

Oooooh. I have the best Halloween costume for this year. I am going to be a ninja. I bought a ninja suit online from a karate supply store. Bruce does not think the ninja suit idea is nearly as great as I do. He told me he thought ninjas were supposed to be agile and nimble. He clearly doesn't get the point of Halloween. Last year I dressed in a lobster suit but that doesn't mean I am pinchy and smell like seaweed.

Elby Ear Update: Elby is going in for his ear surgery this Friday. He is getting dropped off at 7:30 am and then picked up again at 2ish. He will have several stitches put in his ear that will need to be taken out in approximately two weeks, after enough scar tissue has developed to keep the ear membranes attached together again. His ear may stay floppy afterwards though. I kinda hope it does because he does look very cute and less mean. Maybe the neighborhood won't be so afraid of him any more. In other news, Elby's twin moved in downstairs. We got new downstairs neighbors and they have a boxer that looks just like Elby, fawn with almost identical markings, named Sebastian. Sebastian never had his ears cropped so we will never get the two mixed up. He is also well behaved so there's very little chance of confusion anyways. We will always know that ours is the one trying to eat all the other dogs. Sebastian also has a companion, a little terrier type thing named Bruce. Heh. Who names their dog Bruce?

THINGS!

CRIB!

GLIDER!
DOG WITH A BUSTED EAR!

Elby is going to the vet again on Tuesday to get his ear re-drained (or aspirated as the fancy people call it). If his ear doesn't fill with fluid right away again, we will most likely leave it but if it puffs right back up, we will most likely be scheduling him some in patient time. Poor doggie. I think he hates the ear drops more than he hates the giant blood blister on his head though.

We Just Can't Make a Decision

Week: 30
Fetus: over 15.5 in, almost 3 lbs.
Waist: 43.5 in.

Now that I am in the last 10 weeks of this whole process, you'd think I would start getting stuff done. Not true actually. We could be getting somewhere if we could just make up our minds. Bruce and I are back to thinking that we will keep our current bedroom (green room) and make the former exercise room the nursery (blue room). On the one hand, we don't have to move our bed and all our stuff, but on the other, we have to deal with the facts that the blue room has two sets of wires running across the floor and also leads into the office.

Does anyone know how to move a cable outlet or a phone jack 'cause I sure don't. The other option would be to buy much longer phone and cable cords and staple them along the baseboards or something. It would be ugly but at least I wouldn't kill myself or the baby tripping over them in the dark. SO if there are any handy people out there with suggestions, that would be nice. Putting the kid in the blue room means we are also back on buying baby furniture instead of new dressers for ourselves. Booooooo.

The office problem is much more workable. We can set up a small desk and printer station elsewhere in the apartment so Bruce can get work done without having to disturb the baby while he's sleeping. This gives Bruce the excuse to buy this wall leaning desk/shelving combo that he has been coveting for years. Lucky him. At least someone is getting the new furniture they want. Perhaps I can spin this to get a new couch. Actually, after reading Keira's post on the cost of child care, I may be sitting on this 70's sectional until it dissolves into dust. I may never ever be able to buy myself anything ever again.

The good news about making the blue room the baby's and keeping the green room for ourselves is that I can now take the crib out of its box and assemble it. That will be official major progress! Eff Yeah! I made some other small progress this week, namely writing and mailing all the thank you cards from the shower. It only took me two weeks, of this I am proud. There may be people who came to my wedding/gave us wedding presents who never received a note from me because I lost my list about 2/3s of the way through the cards. I wasn't about to rewrite any so I just gave up. Please forgive me, Emily Post.

As an aside, my dumb ass dog managed to break his ear. It's officially called a canine ear hematoma. From shaking and rubbing his head on stuff, Elby has loosened up a spot in his ear flap and the area where the membranes have split is now filled with fluid, causing a largish bubble. We had it drained once already but it popped back up less than 24 hours later. Just leaving it can cause deformity so we maybe have to get him 400 dollar surgery to fix it. Stupid dog. It is hard to be mad at him now because he looks half insane and half adorable. One ear stands up straight like it's supposed to while the other flops at a 90 degree angle. I will post pictures when he sits still long enough.

Down to the Final Quarter

30 Weeks, just 10 left.

Suck it Angels. Bring on the Tribe!

In the Home Stretch

Week: 29
Fetus: over 15 in, 2.5 lbs.
Waist: 42.5 -43 in.

My waist measurements are no longer an accurate representation of my bump size. I have been wrapping the tape around my gut at the belly button each time for consistency but it doesn't reflect how the tum is filling out now. Although I have pretty much stayed the same diameter for the last few weeks, the top of my stomach has made up for that considerably. Instead of looking like I have a volley ball under my shirt, I now look like I am smuggling a watermelon. It is getting really hard to move and I now require assistance when trying to get up off of my couch. For those of you who have sat on my couch before, you know that's a difficult task to begin with. One of these nights, Bruce is going to come home from hockey and find me trapped on the sofa like a turtle stuck on its back. As long as the Red Sox remain in the playoffs, that prospect remains even more likely.

Since both the Sox and the Cubs are in, the next week should be very interesting. It will likely be the most amount of time I have spent in a bar since I have gotten knocked up. I love getting the "WTF Pregnant Lady?" looks when I am drinking a near beer in bars. I have had strangers come up to me and ask what I am doing. Nosy losers should mind their own business. They are almost as bad as the rando tummy rubbers. I hate those bitches. Perhaps for this week I should learn to speak with an accent so I can pretend to be European and then I can bitch about how Americans are tight asses about preggos having an occasional tipple.

Oh, an update from my last appointment. I managed to gain 8 lbs. in four weeks, twice what it should have been. So that means I am getting too fat again. Boooooo. Mean doctors are trying to take away my ice cream. I can't drink beer. I can't have smelly cheeses. I can't even have a frickin turkey sandwich. I am going to continue eating ice cream, nutritionist threats be damned. I guess I will just have to put more effort into exercising. After the game tonight of course. I don't want to be distracted from my yelling at the tv and scaring my cats. They are not baseball fans although Sam does seem to have some appreciation for football.

Speaking of football (clearly this post is directionless and without point. I am watching the Sox game now), I was going to let the child be a Bears fan since we do live in Chicago and all and baseball and hockey rooting interests are non-negotiable but damn, Bears, you guys suck this year. Unless they develop some immediate plan for getting a QB that doesn't honk, I am going to start buying baby some Patriots gear. So Chicago Bears, consider yourselves on notice.

Thank You!

Thank you everyone who came to my lovely shower this past weekend and thank you for the lovely gifts. And especially thank you to my mom for planning the entire event.

All I have to say is it is a good thing I brought two extra bags with me. Now all I need to figure out is where I am going to put all this stuff until I can get the room ready!