MA and CT Trip: Days 5-8

So, the hockey part of out trip. Remember that, our trip? Yeah so the day after Christmas Bruce, Calder and I left for Connecticut along with 4 humongous boxes of sweats for the teams. Apparently Bruce had needed to have the warm-ups delivered to my parents' house. It's a good thing we were leaving half our stuff at the house during the tournament because we would not have all made it to the hotel.

Ugh, the hotel. La Quinta in New Britain, CT. I suggest you not stay there. While it was not horrible it was pretty freakin' lame. Not only was there no bar, there was no food. Sure there was an attached restaurant but it was empty. How do you not run a successful restaurant that is IN a hotel? A hotel that is not in the super nicest of areas so most of the suburban-dwelling patrons are afraid to walk around to find somewhere to eat? AT least the continental breakfast was better than average; they had a waffle maker. It was like those 4 Saturday mornings in college that I managed to wake up before 2 pm all over again. I heart waffles.

Baby travel tip: Bring outlet covers because every hotel room I have even been in has at least 6 exposed outlets and Calder will try to stick his fingers in every single one of them.

Calder did manage to entertain himself in other ways that didn't carry such a risk of death.

Climbing in and out of the suitcases to play with the clothes for example. Over. And over. And over again. I bet there are still some of his socks tucked in various corners of that room.

So crusty hotel and lots o'hockey. It was as interesting as watching any girls hockey game in which you have no vested interest. Calder and I didn't attend every single one of them due to naptimes and bedtimes. We both have our limits.

This is what Calder's limit looks like by the way, Sloth from The Goonies.

He did behave himself pretty well while we were at the various rinks though. He had toys and books and food to play with. He kept bringing that truck book to a nice Canadian lady sitting the next bench over who was trying to read her own trashy romance novel. She was lovely and even read it to him a few times.

But the hotel was where it was at. Calder had everyone there under his thumb. Yes, that is him sitting on the check-in desk. The cleaning ladies brought him back there to hang out with them.

Calder's social dominance was not isolated to the hotel. I'd say all of central Connecticut was in love with him. While at this diner several staff members stopped by our table to tell us how cute Calder is. A lady even dragged her teenage daughter over and made her offer to babysit sometime. We felt kinda bad telling her that she'd have to fly out to Chicago in order to do that.

Since the hotel didn't have real food we were forced to buy snacks at some ghetto ass Price Chopper. We even splurged and purchased one of Calder's favorite treats. I'll give you a hint. He loves it so much he didn't want to share and went off to eat it in a corner like the dog does.

Any guesses yet?

It's Cheeze Doodles! Calder was so happy he just had to dance. Dance Cheeze Doodles all over our bed that is.

Cheeze Doodle overdose face.

And then finally, the post Cheeze Doodle crash. Calder can tell you that coming down from that high is pretty rough. Sticky and orange but rough.

It's Kind of a Big Deal

This week I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

People who know me well realize that this is a big deal because they know I absolutely loathe PB&J. I honestly haven't eaten one of those godforsaken little hell sandwiches in over 20 years. Those bastards are the Hydroxes of the sandwich world. Vile, dry and only eaten by people who are cheap and have no imagination.

People who know me extremely well realize that this is a huuuuge deal because they know that I have what you might call an, uh, aversion to peanut butter, um, coming in contact with my, ah, skin. Sadly, this is not a joke. One good smear across my arm is enough to reduce me to tears. My personal hell would be sitting in an Elmo kiddie pool filled with peanut butter and maggots.

People who know anything about child rearing realize that is is a wicked enormous deal because they have concluded that we finally fed Calder peanut products for the first time which potentially could have caused him to immediately up and die of anaphylactic shock. He did not. Die, that is. Obviously. I would have written up this post a lot sooner in that case.

These past two weeks have been filled with all kinds of firsts actually. Since he's gone back to daycare he's been in bed before 8 p.m. for the first time in AGES. That place wears him straight effing down. Calder is apparently a very busy guy when he's there. On his daily activity sheet on Friday it said that he is the ruler of the classroom. A tyrant even maybe. My son, corrupt Governor of Swift Daycare. Perhaps I am exaggerating somewhat but he does make ceremonial visits to almost every classroom over the course of his day. Whatever works for him, man. I just seriously need that place in our lives in order to keep my sanity. Those two hours between his bedtime and mine prevent me from losing my shit and throwing everything I own in the river. Oh and that's when I clean. Because waking up to a filth strewn apartment makes me want to die.

The real reason Calder's bedtimes are groundbreaking is that he is going down and falling asleep without his pacifier!!! We have broken down and given it to him out of desperation in the wee hours of the morning to get him to fall back to sleep when he won't stop with the relentless screaming caused by first, faceplague and then now, teething. He's even napping sans soother as well. Now all the other mothers we come across can start judging me about something else. Yippee.

The final big first hasn't actually happened yet. I'm pretty sure Calder has no idea it's gonna happen either. Tomorrow, Calder is waking up to a nice big sippy cup of milk. His bottles are dunzo. They are packed p and ready to be put away. Calder is going to be pissssssed. The only thing he loves more than his bottle is assaulting the cats. He will probably go on a drinking strike in response. Whatever, dude, I am not giving in on this one. If Calder rejects the cups and gets really thirsty he'll figure out that he's got other options. He's a smart kid.

Molars!

Calder has his first molar! Effing FINALLY. Hopefully now the others will follow shortly and we can be done with all this herpes-faced cranky teethingness all in one fell swoop. That would be the BALLZ. I NEED him to go back to daycare because I am physically unable to wear him out enough to get him in bed before 10 pm. Post bedtime is when I get shit done. If his bedtime is only a half hour before mine, no shit gets done. This house is currently shitastic and needs some serious de-crapping. GO TO SLEEP ALREADY, BABY.

Oh and here. The previously mentioned pictures of awesomeness.

MA and CT Trip: Day 4

Huzzah! I finally have gotten control of the laptop. Fortunately I still had all the pictures from December on my camera so I could put them on this computer and continue the MA/CT holiday saga. Soooooo.... Christmas day. As usual I got up nice and early since Calder and Q have no problems waking up at the crack of dawn. Once Q was deposited with Daddy and a cuppa and Calder was deposited with his daddy and a babba, I wandered out to the kitchen to see what had to be done with regards to the Christmas dinner. Now let it be known, my family does not open our presents right away. We open them between dinner (eaten at 1-2 pm) and dessert. Usually stocking are opened right away to keep the children from revolting but since the two boys barely understood what was going on, we waited to do that right before dinner. Plus the super awesome fabric paint we used to write the names on the stockings was still. not. dry. That stuff is crap FYI.

Per the agreement, Aunt L and K were making food on Christmas Eve and then my mom and I were going to make dinner day of. Super. As it turned out I was making dinner. For 10 people. With a menu I had no part in planning. For the record, I intend never to make creamed onions ever again. You want to eat those loathsome pearls of nastisity? Make 'em yourself.

While I was slaving away in the kitchen the boys were fed and napped and then finally dressed in another set of matching outfits. Fortunately we adults were spared this one which is good because I was still in my gaymo pajamas from the night before. Once all the food was prepped and in the oven I was able to shower and join in the rounds of stocking stuffing. Final menu: roast beef, ham, creamed onions , green bean casserole, roasted potatoes two ways and smashed parsnips. I think that's it. We're nearly a month beyond it now and my memory is terrible.

So stockings stuffed, dinner cooked, guests arrived. We were able to get down to the real point of Christmas once and for all. Presents and shitloads of food!

Sure stockings aren't usually as awesome as the real presents but did I mention that our stockings were bigger than the boys?

Calder got a lot of fun stuff in his. Somehow Daddy, excuse me, Santa, didn't think that Calder would immediately try to eat the Play-Do. Santa is retarded.

Ohhhh a puzzle that makes noise. That SO won't get totally annoying. Since I personally purchased this item I reserve the right to throw it on the Echo/couch/computer pyre.

Calder got introduced to the personal toiletry items in the stocking instead of actual fun presents disappointment.

Calder enjoyed his dinner quite a bit. He showed his appreciation for all of Mommy's hard work but slapping the ham all over his head. Needless to say he was the beagles' favorite person for the rest of the day.

Finally! Present time!

Opening boxes while sitting in boxes.

Too many to choose from. Which to open first?

So cute but also evil. Those aren't really Calder's presents. He was trying to make off with all of Q's stuff in addition to his own haul.


Also Q's toy. Eventually, maybe some 3 hours later, all the gifts were opened. We all then collapsed into piles of nothingness like a wrapping paper filed black hole. Honestly, I think I was drunk by then and have no idea what happened after dinner. I think I ate 4 kinds of pie and maybe took a nap. Yay for Christmas! That night Calder went to bed, clutching some of his new things and drifted off to sleep to dream of more Christmases to come, the delicate scent of ham still clinging to his downy head. The end.

Cold and Sores

It's currently -2 degrees here but I am joyous because my television has been fixed after a week of darkness and Calder should be able to return to daycare tomorrow. The spots around his mouth are all gross and scabby now as opposed to being gross and juicy with pus. Yum! That means he's no longer contagious. Hilariously, Bruce didn't even realize he COULD be contagious until Monday when he took Calder to the doctor again. Bruce now has a temperature of 102. Hahahahaha. Idiot.

HOWEVER. Our desktop is borked and needs to be fixed/replaced/set on fire and thrown in the lake along with the Echo and my couch. SO. No pictures. Or frequent (ahahahaha frequent) posts because Bruce usually has the laptop locked up for rando hockey stuff. i.e. tournament planning or obsessing over the number of friends he has on Facebook.

Having Calder around so much (since mid-December really) has been way entertaining and very illuminating. His vocabulary is opening way up. He says hi, Momma, Daddee, baba, dank oo!. However, I think he has some wiring in his brain reversed when it comes to language. For example, I am Momma. So is Bruce. Daddee is Elby. Elby used to be dogdog but I think Calder got crossed up when we tried to get him to stop calling both of us Momma. Doggie and Daddee are maaaaybe a little too close phonetically for him to separate. Oh well at least he has manners. Calder says dank oo! all the time now...when he hands you something, not the other way 'round. Baba is a little more sensical. Calder uses it for his bottle, sippy cups and pacifier. On the other hand, baba can also mean, "You there, hand me that thing at which I am gesturing. I desire it promptly and shall have a fit if I don't receive it in the amount of time that I determine to be appropriate."

While I am waiting to get the desktop aflame, imagine I have inserted a hi-larious picture of Calder wearing my sunglasses here.

Face Plague

Come here and give us a kiss.

The doctor's response to this photo and another, wondering if we should bring him in:

Very good photos!
It seems that Calder has a virus, likely a herpes type but certainly NOT the one that's on the commercials...there are many types of this virus and they are actually quite common. there is no medication other than the Motrin or Tylenol to ease the discomfort. High fever is characteristic at the onset but then fades. Unfortunately there is discomfort which causes the lack of interest in eating and the drooling. It should be much better in another 2 to 3 days. Staying hydrated is the key...let him have anything he wants, popsicles, etc. Hope this helps. Let me know if anything changes for the worse.

Let's look at a portion of this shall we?

"Staying hydrated is the key...let him have anything he wants, popsicles, etc. "

Anything? I wonder if she knows how much Calder loves beer.

MA and CT Trip: Day 3

Sorry for the long delay in continuing the recap. First the tv broke so the computer has taken on the role of the tv and then Calder got sick, high/highish fever for a few days plus a mouth rash so possible HFMD again. He is also teething? Maybe? Or at least biting, drooling and being a general pain in the ass. If I had tried to express my honest feelings toward this child in the past week or so it would have gone something like this:

Calder's teething may be paining me more than it is him. All fuss and no friggin' teeth. If I don't see a new tooth pop out soon I am going to go in there and get them out myself. Calder is making me be a not very nice person. For serous, yo. Watch yourself. Runs off screaming, yanking hair and rending garments. Pushes a guy off his bike, flips a turtle on it's back, tries to get on the El with only $1.75, tells some random chick she looks tied...

ANYWAYS

I realized almost immediately that I made a mistake on the first two days recap. We actually went to Northampton on day 3, Christmas Eve. On day 2, we went to the much less exciting Wal-Mart because Calder was wholly unable to sleep without his crib soother rain forest majinger so we had to go out and buy him a replacement. Now we have two music and lights bedtime bathiingys. Super.

SO day 3. Northampton, still didn't buy anything. From there we went back to the airport to pick up our rental car and then back to my parents' house to help rearrange stuff for the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day gatherings. K and Aunt L were in charge of food for the evening which mostly consisted of rolling up lots of lunch meat.

In preparation for the big get together (Everyone currently staying at the house plus Aunt L and my brother, his wife and their dog. Dog total: 8.) We threw the boys in the tub. They had fun and Calder got peed on. I do in fact have a picture of that but I have absolutely no intention of posting it.

After the boys got out of the tub, Calder got dressed in these super cute Christmas jammies. So did Quentin. So did then everyone else who had a pair including my mom, K & J, ME sigh. They get considerably less cute the larger the size gets. FYI.

Then my mom forced us all to pose together, passing around the pajama tops so that it looked like everyone was wearing a pair of them. There will also be no pictures of this posted.

In retaliation Aunt L tried getting the boys drunk. Calder turned up his nose at the crappy red wine. He has standards you know.

Q? Not so much. He seemed to enjoy the wine and ended up with a hilarious wine moustache. That means that Q was able to drink more the whole visit than his mom. HAHAHAHAHA.

Before the Christmas fun began, we had a mini family birthday celebration for Calder. That makes three birthday parties altogether. Calder is going to be one spoiled ass child and I am only taking responsibility for, like, 20% of that. Parties two and three had nothing to do with me.

Calder took some time out of opening presents to steal Q's dinner from him. I am pretty sure Calder came home 3 lbs heavier and Q lost some significant weight.


Calder got some fun stuff that will totally fit in our suitcases when we try to leave in 7 days. Yeah, TOTALLY.


Ok. Fine I'll post some of the group pj pictures. But only these because I am not in them. You can see how well it went over with the boys.


And my dad.

Eventually, with much screeching and howling, we put the children in bed, ate some rolled up lunch meats, drank some beer and watched Holiday Inn to put us in the spirit for the next day. Aunt L and I also tried to put every one's name on their stockings with a fabric paint pen but the paint was sticky and gross. Also, felt? Not the best fabric painting surface. As such, we couldn't do any stocking filling. For, like, 12 hours. Fortunately the boys are still too young to have any expectations about Christmas morning. Which is good because...

CONTINUED WHENEVER I GET MORE TIME TO DO THIS SHIT. I CAN ONLY DO IT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I AM HOME FROM WORK WITH A SICK TODDLER.

help me

MA and CT Trip: Days 1 & 2

Our marathon Christmas/hockey tournament trip started off well enough. We left the house earlier than anticipated, dropped Elby off at the kennel with no problems and even paid in advance so there would be no surprises when he was picked up and arrived at the airport with plenty of time to check our luggage, grab a meal and get on our plane. Or so we thought. About 15 minutes before our plane was supposed to start boarding, the flight was inexplicably delayed. The weather in Chicago and Connecticut was gorgeous so it couldn't be that and the gate agent wasn't sharing. She did tell me that the 45 minute delay was the only one to be expected. Fine. After the departure time was pushed back another hour or so I finally got her to tell me that the plane, arriving from Houston or some such thing, was having mechanical issues. In Houston. The good news was that we were finally just getting a new plane. In Houston. Yippee.

Calder was being a good sport through most of the delays but waiting around the airport all day with no significant nap time was starting to take its toll. He was getting antsy and there was no possible way I was going to take him on a plane in that condition. Bruce and I had to lay on the floor with Calder, me singing, until he finally fell asleep. Sweet. Unfortunately so did Bruce so I was stuck sitting around, looking at our luggage and occasionally harassing the gate agent by my lonesome.

After 5+ hours at the airport and another 2 on the plane, we finally arrived at Bradley. Fortunately, my dad had doing laps around the airport for about an hour so our ride to my parents' house promptly showed up and we were able to present Calder to his grandparents for a thorough snuggling. Huzzah.

Day two started off pretty well. Calder did his usual wake up and be annoying/go back to bed routine. After breakfast, Bruce, Calder and I headed up to Northampton since Bruce still had some shopping to do and I needed to escape the swirling clouds of Chuck fur. Oh yeah, my mom's vacuum had broken, hence the piles of fur.

We wandered around Noho for a bit and had a yummy lunch at the Northampton Brewery and bought absolutely nothing. By the time we returned Keira, Jer and cousin Q had arrived. Calder and Q were a little wary of each other at first but eventually warmed up to each other.

The one bit of real excitement came when Calder learned a very important lesson about jumping on large, old, cranky and possibly half-blind dogs. That lesson of course being don't do it unless you want your head to end up in the mouth of the large, old, cranky and possibly half-blind dog. Calder wasn't really hurt, mostly just frightened with a few bruises since Chuck had no intention of actually biting him, poor doggie just wanted to be left the hell alone. Not that that sunk in for Calder. He continued to go on pestering the seven dogs (yes, SEVEN) that were running around the house. Perhaps Chuck should had bit him harder.

Check It, Yo

So look who stopped being a lazy ass and actually installed the car seat that's been sitting in her apartment for the last three months or so. After Calder spent 10 days riding around in Grandma's big boy seat, I really felt it was unfair to subject him to the carrier seat any longer. I thought I should be a nice Mommy and make the boy comfortable. Due to Calder simultaneously cutting canines and molars, any change in attitude for him would be a welcome one. I thought I might be able to encourage a mood shift with his new throne. Not that it worked. Now he can just see where he's going while being an insufferable pain.

Happy New Year!

It's been a while, huh?

I have not forgotten about all this. I've just been on a 10 day jaunt to the east coast which I will detail two days per post for 5 days straight in an effort to make up for being the laziest blogger on earth.