Halloween Spirit

I guess the Halloween mood finally hit Calder today. Not only did he agree to put on his turtle shell (we'll work on the rest of the costume) but he also wanted to wear one of his dino/dragon costumes from last year. Too bad that one is too small to close the bottom since it seems that's the best chance I have to get him out of the house all dressed up. Well, there's also a cheapo baseball player costume I can use as a last resort. If Calder ever wakes up that is. He refused to take a nap after lunch and as such is passed out on the couch with no pants on while the rest of the children in the neighborhood are pouring out of their houses to shake down all the local stores for candy with a few houses thrown in there along the way. I have an enormous bowl of candy just in case but they never seem to ring our buzzer so I guess if Calder doesn't get his lazy ass up in the next hour or so, we can just fake his first trick or treating experience. That's me, half-assing Halloween, just like everything else. Why should today be any exception?

Happy Hackoween!

Hooray for Hackoween! Despite getting approximately three hours of sleep on Friday I was still able to avail myself of some fun along with Calder and Bruce. The party was super fun as always and I think Calder had himself a grand ol' time since he had one trillion other children with whom to wreak some havoc. So how did the turtle suit work out?

Pretty super I'd say. Super except for the fact that Calder wore it for all of ten whole minutes before he cried for us to take it off.


I can't say with total authority how much fun Calder had but he seemed pretty reluctant to leave right up until the point where he passed out in his car seat on the way home. It was difficult to tell how much he was enjoying himself partially because I can only understand about 30% of what he says and partially because he slipped in and out of the crowd quite a bit so I had no idea what he was doing. He probably played a lot with Finn, his friend, who had been asking about him all week leading up to the party but I am not sure how much attention Calder actually bestowed upon him. I DO know that he spent a great deal of time harassing the resident poor blind dog who is too old and, uh, blind to get away from him. Also, at one point Calder was up in one of the bedrooms quietly reading books by himself while the other kidmonsters beat on each other with plastic swords and princess crowns. So... I guess he enjoyed himself. Am I raising a NERD?


Finally, may I present Jacky Hackett, our esteemed hostess for the evening. She was dressed as a (functioning) box of wine. I don't think it's fair if you win* for best costume at your own damn house. These pictures are all courtesy of Ms. Hackett as I was too disconsolate over Calder's rejection of the turtle suit to even take my camera out of its case. Plus it's hard to take pictures while holding a beer. Not everyone was transporting their drinks via costume.

*Not that there was a contest, but still.

Turtle of Doooooooom!

Well I got the important parts done. I haven't yet made the hood or the booties but I doubt I will try to finish them before we go see Jacky Hackett and her Hackoween extravaganza. I doubt Calder will wear either of them anyways. Plus I spilled beer on those pieces while I was working on the shell at about 2:00 a.m. Did you know how hard it is to sew foam? Did you know it's even harder with a sewing machine that is 20-30 years old? I am not sure of the exact age of the machine but it's pea (puke) green, if that tells you anything. I hope the pieces I did bother to make hold up since I totally cheated and glued a whole bunch of shit on there, like the Velcro closures and the shell pattern. The directions said to use a zig-zag stitch. In theory I know what that is but I'll be damned if I know how to ask my hunk of junk to perform that task. See also, drinking beer and sewing until 4 in the morning. Something had to give. Worst part is I have been so taken up with this task that I have not done thing one about my own costume. Well that's a bit misleading, that last sentence implies that I HAVE a costume which is patently false. I have nothing. NOTHING. I, the costume queen, who once sewed a lobster outfit with no pattern DOES NOT HAVE A HALLOWEEN COSTUME. This is a travesty. I am going to be one of those people who goes as a "zombie _____". This is essentially the fat people version of the "Sexy _____" costume. I guess if I have to be a zombie something, I better be the shit out of that zombie something so best get to the kitchen and start whipping up some corn syrup and food coloring blood. Oh, and cupcakes. I need to make those too.

We Didn't Start the Fire

Last weekend the weather acquiesced and stopped being terrible for a few days which was really nice because we had shit to do. Outdoor shit. Of course it was not any sort of pastoral fall farm adventure. Of course not. I think last year shows how good we are about that stuff. We did manage to get a pumpkin before Halloween this year though so we are getting better. Granted it came from Whole Foods but whatever. Don't judge me. What we did do is attend the Skokie Fire Department's open house day. Bruce and I knew this was a necessary outing as soon as we saw the notice because A. Calder loves fire trucks and ambulances. B. It was free. And C. We were hoping one of the mustachioed firemen would explain to Calder that it is fire... engine and not "fainjin". Eh, We tried.

Shockingly, Calder is not so good at following directions. I wish I had video of this moment because it was the textbook definition of "beeline".

Right off the bat Calder had to jump in the driver's seat. I don't think the adventure would have lasted more than 15 minutes if we had not allowed him to do this immediately. Even the fire fighter watching the truck was all, "Where's your fire hat, little buddy?". He was answered with one of Calder's trademark withering looks.

Calder felt it necessary to inspect every inch of the trucks that were out on display. He was getting kind of angry with the firemen since based on the stupid fire truck video we have watched on Netflix ONE HUNDRED MILLION TIMES, he knew that these doors opened and he wanted to see inside, dammit.

The fire department was also offering ride on this antique engine.

It was enjoyed by all. Especially that lucky little snot that got to sit up front.

Although Calder was perhaps the most entertained by the drain in the firehouse floor. What can I say, he's a cheap date.

A fire fighter stripping down after the wicked cool aerial rescue and fire-putting-out demonstration. You could see the desire in Calder's eyes. He desperately wanted to touch that pile of equipment yet somehow understood that it was strongly discouraged.

There was also a fun little area where the children could practice their strop, drop and rolling skills. Yes, it's true. My son is a spaz. He takes after his mom.

Before we left, Calder had to go back to the ladder truck one more time to give it a kiss and say, "Bye, bye fainjin."

Turtle Wins!

Turtle won the costume poll in a landslide so sometime in the near future I need to turn this pile of crap into a turtle suit. I need to get in gear because while Halloween is still16 days away, Hackoween is much, much sooner. Hackoween is the highlight of my fall social calendar. Even more so than my birthday since it always planned much better and way more well attended. Like, I can't even remember what I did last birthday but I know I was wearing a giant dino suit and trying to stop Calder from eating off of other people's plates last Hackoween. Let's hope I don't eff this up too much or else I will be making ANOTHER last minute trip to Halloween Express again this year.

The Big Everything

One of the serendipitous occurrences during my jaunt to the east coast with Calder, other than many of my college friends having the same weekend free and my sister also being in town with her boyfriend, was the fact that the Big E was going on while we were there. Now, what is the Big E, you may ask? Hmm, let's see. It's actual name is the Eastern States Exposition. Think big Midwest state fair kind of thingy with all the agricultural exhibits, flaunting of local commerce, poorly maintained carney rides and deep fried goodness. Except in the case of the Big E instead of one state, you have all six New England states coming together like Transformers to create one super-fair that is still probably only the size of the Iowa Fair's midway. Eh. We try. The name is also a little disingenuous since technically only six of the, um, some other number of east coast states participate. I supposed they could have called it the New England States Exposition but the Big NEE just sounds ridiculous so it's probably for the best. Misrepresentation for everyone then! Huzzah!

The Big E was probably why Becky had driving up from Virginia with her man and two dogs (seriously, there were a LOT of dogs at my parent's house) in the first place so I don't know if I can count it as two different instances of serendipity but I don't care. Regardless, it meant that I had two, nay, three (Becky also brought a friend up from VA?) extra sets of arms to carry Calder around for several hours while we explored the various wonders the Big E had to offer. Like the Avenue of the States where each state gets a whole building to show off it's local industry and try to make you buy shit. Like lottery tickets (Thanks for nothing New Hampshire.) and Legos (Really Connecticut, you ought to try a little harder) and BAKED M-Fing POTATOES (Maine, you are the shizz. Never change.) Many other wondrous items are to be found here. Items such as...

...BACON!!!! Chocolate covered bacon!!!!!!! There were also choc-dipped raw jalapenos that made Becky cry and infected her hands with raging hotness so that everything she touched was tinged with that hellish spice. That was one clam fritter that I was not expecting.

There were also dinosaurs? OK, Connecticut. I think we need to talk. I like dinosaurs. I really, REALLY like dinosaurs but there is NOTHING about Connecticut that screams dinosaurs (or Legos) to me. GET A FRIGGIN' IDENTITY, CONNECTICUT!

No, no. Mommy sits back there.

Originally I had outsourced the captioning of this post to a friend who at the time had nothing better to do at work since she was sitting around waiting to be fired. Unfortunately, the whole being fired bit made her feel less than funny so the captions were kind lame but this one is good so it gets to stay.

After viewing the many wonders of New England we headed over to the midway to check on rides. This was pretty much the only one Calder was tell enough to ride. Normally he'd be happier about being on e train but I think he was still pissed that he couldn't get on the clackety death trap of a roller coaster they had going on.

Next up were the agriculture buildings where Calder got to see sheep!

And baby chickens!



And goats!

Why the interest? It's not like this is the biggest nose Calder's seen.

And a plastic cow! This caption also to gets to stay although it's only funny if you've actually met Bruce. After all that agriculture Calder wanted to get his hands dirty, literally, and get a chance to play with some of his awesome new barnyard friends so we took him over to the petting zoo.

This petting zoo was kind of odd and sad since is boasted a solitary zebra in a five foot pen and some very, very aggressive goats. And one giant asshole of a llama. There is no pictures of that llama because he DOES NOT DESERVE THE ATTENTION. I hate you llama for making me waste $.25.

The petting zoo just happened to be next to the elephant rides (New England is a strange, strange place) and I probably would have coughed up the five bucks to get Calder up there but I think he was so mentally unprepared to see an elephant four feet away from him as he was being assaulted by a herd of unruly goats that he slowly backed away from the fence until he hit my legs and then proceed to cry. Thanks, elephant.

Like any good visitors to the fair, we all had to consume vast amounts of deep fried nastiness before we left. While Calder didn't seem to care for the jalapeno-inflected clam fritters of the deep fried pickles, he went to TOWN on that corn dog. All that was left for me was a stick and some soggy cornmeal breading.

In the end it was a good visit to the Big E. Calder got to wrestle with farm animals and my back didn't kill from having to lug him around. Plus, any time I get to see my sister cry and I am not getting in trouble for it is like a life bonus.

Shot in the Dark

We got a notice from Calder's day care that the village is offering the H1N1 for free at all the schools in Skokie. I know this has been a pretty big deal this year and there is a great deal of debate surrounding how big of an issue swine flu actually is but after consulting Calder's doctor we have decided to go ahead and sign the permission form. I am a fairly solidly pro-vaccination person but even I don't want Calder being injected with junk when it's not totally necessary so I had to so some serious thinking to be certain that this is the responsible thing to do. Yes, swine flu is getting perhaps an undue amount of media attention but the fact is people in the Chicago area are dying from it. Granted most of the deaths have also involved underlying health problems but it's still there. Reading a news story about the 14-year-old girl in the burbs who died last week was heart wrenching, heart condition or no. I feel that since Calder is in day care (which has had one prior case already), Bruce works in a health care related office, and I take public transportation and work in a building that has also had documented cases, getting Calder the vaccination is something that we have to do. The doctor actually strongly suggested we do it if it's offered since they are already out of their first allotted batch of the stuff. I do feel bad that Calder's too little to get the spray form since he will not have mommy or daddy around to comfort him after he gets jabbed but I am fairly confident in his current teachers' comforting skilllz. Even if I have no idea what their names are. I should really work on that.

Poor People

This is what poor people do when they don't have enough money to buy their children fancy playhouses. Calder isn't in the pic because even he can tell this is kind of sad and so he refuses to play in it. The cats seem to dig it though.

Fried Chicken & Beer (Milk)

You're still here? I guess I should write something then.

Calder is weird. Very weird. Yesterday he came home from daycare (and Bruce tells me this started in the backyard before they even made it in the house) demanding chicken. Now, Calder doesn't usually get an after school snack so the request was sorta odd. And usually we do not have leftover KFC in the fridge. I have no idea how Calder, in the back yard, was able to ascertain this fact nor do I understand why he did a complete 180 on his KFC opinion from the night before. Yet there he was, all tiny and frantic, moaning "gicken! gicken! mowk!*" at the refrigerator when I walked in the door. What to do? Naturally, we did the proper thing and gave him the damn chicken. As you can see, he hadn't even taken his coat off yet when the chicken panic began.










*Milk. I realize this bears little relation to the actual word but it's better than book which is what he was calling it before. The people at daycare were mightily confused until one day we clarified it for them and the teacher said, "I just thought he really liked reading!"