There are some significant changes afoot around here. Despite our most fervent attempts to win the lottery and/or hope that Bruce would have a real job by now (Just kidding, I gave up on that a loooooong time ago), Bruce is still home every day not bringing much money in and Calder is going to day care three times a week which sends a great deal of money out. As such, we have decided to pull Calder out of day care and Bruce will be a stay at home dad for the foreseeable future. Bruce sent the break up email earlier this week and when I read it I totally started crying at work. Because I am a total grown up.
I think the crying was not only the result of being sad for Calder. I mean, he'll have significantly fewer friends to play with and no more Mimi the cook. It wasn't only being sad for my mental health either. After all, Calder won't be able to go off and torture other people for 7 hours a day. What the tears were really about was coming to the full realization about the situation we are in. Bruce and I have never been wealthy. Due to student loans and poor financial decisions in our younger days, Bruce and I have never had a great deal of surplus money but we did OK. We certainly never lacked for anything and could even afford the occasional indulgence. This past summer, when we decided whether to have another child, we acknowledged that money would get tight but we thought we'd manage just fine. Hell, Bruce was so busy with his camps and clinics and other stuff that I wished he's work less and be around more. After all, it's hard to get knocked up when one half of the DNA is in another state. Or country.
Slowly, the extra hockey and engineering-type gigs petered off until a few months ago when all but a few endeavors came to a full stop. Towards the end of last year Bruce found himself sitting at home more weekdays than not. You all remember my panic a few weeks ago about this stuff but that was more theoretical. Now it's real. We have gotten to the point of not being able to afford things that previously presented no problems. It's belt tightening time. Suckily for Calder, fun time at day care is the most obvious first thing to go and we will have to start looking around for other things to cut as Rusty's due date starts bearing down on us. I fear my dearest friends Mssrs. Satellite von TV and DVRington will be the next on this list.
If he wants to bring C by for visits, I'm free during the day (all day), and C can play with my 2yo. When it's warmer, we can go on park trips together or something.
ReplyDeleteIt's...it's a lot of work. Not the "keeping the kid alive" part, but "the taking them out of the house and doing interesting thing and not falling into a pit of couch-sitting and cheerio tossing" part. My husband fails at it. On days I don't do the planning, he plans nothing. Although when left to watch the toddler alone for several days at a time he did get desperate enough to attempt various museums and mall playgrounds, so even the most hopeless man has a shot.
ReplyDeleteI think the best you can do is write helpful shopping lists and try not to freak out. There's plenty to do in Chicago and once it's warmer going out will be a million percent easier. No one wants to be cooped up with a toddler FOREVER.
I think the museums bit will be key. Hopefully I can put some of the day care savings towards renewing our memberships.
ReplyDeleteBTW, have you looked into daycare subsidies? I have no idea what you make or if you even qualify, but Illinois does do income-based daycare subsidies. http://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=30355
ReplyDeleteYou can estimate if you qualify here: http://www.dhs.state.il.us/applications/ChildCareEligCalc/eligcalc.asp Basically, the more you earn (up to a certain point) the higher your copay is.
So, I send Kala to school because I need the time to work (and apparently, volunteer at her school) but if I had a trust fund, I would totally homeschool. I think the education a parent who is driven enough to decide to homeschool can offer is often far superior to a public school education, provided said parent does not belong to a cult or isn't just homeschooling so certain wacky religious beliefs can be instilled. I'm sure Chicago has some sort of homeschooling association, which it might be worth looking into. I know that Calder is "younger" than a traditional school-age child (even though at Montessori, he'd be in Children's House and thus, in the first cycle) but I still think contacting your local homeschool association will provide you with tons of information and, also, potential fieldtrips with other kids. There are also tons of websites with fantastic ideas too for sensorial, math, language skills, etc. Since we are Montessori people, I have the links to several sites that explain different concepts ( counting beads, numerical rods, sandpaper letters, stuff like that) that you could either buy or make and that are so much fun - if you're interested in that. Otherwise, there are plenty of other sites. There are couple from some Waldorf parents that I just love and steal ideas from constantly; I can send you those if you'd like. I think the key is "TV" rules - like, the TV is off from 9-5 except for a half an hour after lunch or whatever works for you as parents. Regardless, everyone says abundant amounts of undirected play (or "work") are perfect for a child of Calder's age so whatever you end up doing, there's very little room for error.
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