A long, long, long ass time ago I read the Omnivore's Dilemma. I mean it was a rilly, rilly long time ago because that book is huge and I don't have time for that shit anymore so forgive me for any inaccuracies in my recollection. Anyways, I learned that when we are leetle teeny bebehs we have what is called food neophilia which basically means that we will eat ANYTHING. This is some sort of base instinct to ensure that our offspring don't starve to death when they are at their most vulnerable.
Later on in life humans develop food neophobia, the fear of new foods, to make sure we don't go around indiscriminately shoving crap in our faces and accidentally poisoning ourselves with toxic berries or rank meat. This process is pretty much evident in any toddler but eventually, with the exception of some remarkably PITA adults, we grow out of it.
Watching Wren horf down everything in her path makes me long for the days when Calder was in his neophiliac stage. While he never quite took to new foods with her level of enthusiasm, he would at least eat them without a huge friggin' production. Sure Calder has been a picky eater in the past. Calder definitely went through a nuggets and PB&J-only stage and he still has a long list of items that he WILL NOT EAT such at green leafy veggies, pork chops and things with even the faintest whiff of spice but there are a ton of other relatively healthy foods that he is more than happy to chow on, so I don't put up much of a fight with him about that kind of thing. Fine, you don't like spinach, eat half a bell pepper. That works for me too. He just has to try a food at least once to satisfy me.
So the problem isn't what he won't eat, it's what he will eat and how long it takes him to eat it. Even meals with foods he likes, hell, foods he loves, are protracted dawdle-fests. It took him two hours to eat one packet of instant oatmeal last weekend. TWO HOURS. He's even broken the 60 minute make with a goddam Happy Meal. A normal meal stops being family time and becomes one of those installation pieces you see in a museum where it's just a person sitting there doing some mundane task for hours on end while a bunch of other people shuffle past. It's eating as performance art. Two hour oatmeal performances are no problem provided we all have nothing else going on in our lives but the refusing to eat in a timely manner becomes much more of a issue come dinner time.
The endless dinner means either we cut short the bedtime routine of snuggles and books and cause a tantrum or alternately, let Calder stay up way past his bedtime to accommodate them. Dinnertime has begun to take up so much time that baths are almost totally off the table at this point. I do offer Calder the option to not finish his plate but of course no clean plate means no dessert and god forbid he doesn't get a dessert. That's another tantrum. I blame Bruce for that one. Man's got a sweet tooth and is totally oblivious to the antagonistic nature of eating Sour Patch Kids in front of a boy who is struggling with the last three scraps of spinach on his plate. We have tried several things to remedy this. Turning off the TV, setting a timer, taking away his plate if he gets up too many times but pretty much anything that involves us clearing his food before he's good and ready ends up with him on the floor screaming. And of course that kind of behavior does not segue into a smooth bedtime. Still mad about his food, Calder will piff around with his jammies and splash in the sink rather than brush his teeth and waste even more precious pre-bed routine time. So then tantrum. And Calder's screaming leads to me doing my own screaming and then the baby cries and then no one is happy and I am the only one who wants to go to bed.
Granted this doesn't happen EVERY night but it occurs enough to make me want to do something to fix it. Obviously the solution is A. Making dessert a sometimes food (Bruce) and B. Setting a time limit for him to eat dinner before it's taken away and sticking to it. What I need to know is how long that time limit should be. Is 30 minutes a reasonable amount of time to expect a four year old to be able to finish a plate of spaghetti? An hour seems excessive, perhaps 45 minutes? Maybe I could just service him tater tots and cheese shavings every night, even with all his procrastinating might Calder can't make those last for more than ten.
Later on in life humans develop food neophobia, the fear of new foods, to make sure we don't go around indiscriminately shoving crap in our faces and accidentally poisoning ourselves with toxic berries or rank meat. This process is pretty much evident in any toddler but eventually, with the exception of some remarkably PITA adults, we grow out of it.
Watching Wren horf down everything in her path makes me long for the days when Calder was in his neophiliac stage. While he never quite took to new foods with her level of enthusiasm, he would at least eat them without a huge friggin' production. Sure Calder has been a picky eater in the past. Calder definitely went through a nuggets and PB&J-only stage and he still has a long list of items that he WILL NOT EAT such at green leafy veggies, pork chops and things with even the faintest whiff of spice but there are a ton of other relatively healthy foods that he is more than happy to chow on, so I don't put up much of a fight with him about that kind of thing. Fine, you don't like spinach, eat half a bell pepper. That works for me too. He just has to try a food at least once to satisfy me.
So the problem isn't what he won't eat, it's what he will eat and how long it takes him to eat it. Even meals with foods he likes, hell, foods he loves, are protracted dawdle-fests. It took him two hours to eat one packet of instant oatmeal last weekend. TWO HOURS. He's even broken the 60 minute make with a goddam Happy Meal. A normal meal stops being family time and becomes one of those installation pieces you see in a museum where it's just a person sitting there doing some mundane task for hours on end while a bunch of other people shuffle past. It's eating as performance art. Two hour oatmeal performances are no problem provided we all have nothing else going on in our lives but the refusing to eat in a timely manner becomes much more of a issue come dinner time.
The endless dinner means either we cut short the bedtime routine of snuggles and books and cause a tantrum or alternately, let Calder stay up way past his bedtime to accommodate them. Dinnertime has begun to take up so much time that baths are almost totally off the table at this point. I do offer Calder the option to not finish his plate but of course no clean plate means no dessert and god forbid he doesn't get a dessert. That's another tantrum. I blame Bruce for that one. Man's got a sweet tooth and is totally oblivious to the antagonistic nature of eating Sour Patch Kids in front of a boy who is struggling with the last three scraps of spinach on his plate. We have tried several things to remedy this. Turning off the TV, setting a timer, taking away his plate if he gets up too many times but pretty much anything that involves us clearing his food before he's good and ready ends up with him on the floor screaming. And of course that kind of behavior does not segue into a smooth bedtime. Still mad about his food, Calder will piff around with his jammies and splash in the sink rather than brush his teeth and waste even more precious pre-bed routine time. So then tantrum. And Calder's screaming leads to me doing my own screaming and then the baby cries and then no one is happy and I am the only one who wants to go to bed.
Granted this doesn't happen EVERY night but it occurs enough to make me want to do something to fix it. Obviously the solution is A. Making dessert a sometimes food (Bruce) and B. Setting a time limit for him to eat dinner before it's taken away and sticking to it. What I need to know is how long that time limit should be. Is 30 minutes a reasonable amount of time to expect a four year old to be able to finish a plate of spaghetti? An hour seems excessive, perhaps 45 minutes? Maybe I could just service him tater tots and cheese shavings every night, even with all his procrastinating might Calder can't make those last for more than ten.
Maybe if dessert weren't contingent upon finishing supper, you could give him 20 minutes to eat and then 10 minutes for dessert. Except I would change dessert from things like candy to fruit, cheese and green smoothies so you win no matter what. And Bruce can just get his fix after the kids are in bed. Of course, that's all in a perfect world because I usually end up spoon-feeding the last few bites of dinner to K...
ReplyDeletedessert first! no? hmm...Watch for the time he starts to get really distracted from his food and use that as a guideline?
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